Kids and smartphones – sexting

Parents are some of the dumbest fuckers on the planet.

Ask any parent “What were you into at 12?” and if it was a man you ask it will be “girls” and if it was a wimminz you ask it will be “boys”

So, what do you think YOUR kids are into at 12?

So what do you do?

Buy them a fucking handheld device that they can use in private and in secret that takes fucking pictures and sends them as SMS attachments.

Fact is I’m 50 and all the skank ho’s that I fuck are “sexting” me like there is no tomorrow, so it shouldn’t take a genius to work out the kids are doing the exact same fucking thing.

Little Johnny and Little Janey are texting each other from the privacy of their bedrooms at 2, 3 and 4 am when the parent(s) are asleep, and assume the kids are… and lots of those texts have photo attachments.

So let me tell you a PURELY HYPOTHETICAL STORY about an event that did not actually happen today.

There is this guy, we’ll call him Jack, he is separated, it isn’t friendly, we’ll call her Jill, there are two boys and a girl, we will call them Tom, Dick and Harriet, Tom is the eldest at 12.

Over Jacks protestations, Jill bought Tom, Dick and Harriet mobile phones last year, and due to peer pressure and all the other kids have this and that and the usual bullshit, these are all quite good phones, if not quite in the  £300 smartphone league.

Jack is a “12 o’clock flasher“, everything electronic in his house flashes 12:00 because he is utterly crap at everything hi tech, but he is a complete and utter artist at working with wood, so what the hell.

Jack has Tom & Dick for a week, while Jill and Harriet go on holiday with Jill’s mum.

Tom & Dick go off with Jacks parents for the day, and Tom leaves his phone behind on charge because it was dead flat.

Jack has had gut feelings about these phones, so asks me to dig into Tom’s phone.

The pin is trivial to crack, it is on every phone that isn’t a blackberry.

Tom has been texting at all hours of the night and day, including the small hours of the morning, for many many weeks.

Jack is quite rightly troubled by this, disturbed REM sleep patterns etc.

Then we dig up some of the texts themselves, they aren’t a million miles from the shit I get from and send to my skank ho’s.

Then we dig up some shaved pussy pics… screeeeech, sound of record needle scratching across the vinyl record…. dude, these are not shaved pussy pics, these are pre-pubescent pussy pics, there are hundreds of thumbnails, of about 12 different girls.

Jack and I are sitting in possession of child pornography, made by children, sent to other children, by them without any adult knowledge or involvement, but still child pornography.

Tom being a fucking minor at 12, Jack has legal responsibility for him, it is Jack’s house that the fucking phone is in, Jacks child support that paid for the fucking phone, and child porn is an absolute statutory offence, which means there is no acceptable legal defence that can be entered in Court.

I go into Jack’s workshop and get the bottle of isopropyl alcohol and some disposable gloves and start THOROUGHLY cleaning the phone.

Jacks asks me what I am doing. “Wiping my fucking fingerprints off the phone, and then I am walking out of this house, and I was never here, and have never seen this phone, and I am never coming back into your house when your children are here.”

Jack stares at me, he looks like I fucking felt when I was arrested on a False Accusation of Rape.

Jack asks me “What should I do?”

I tell him, “Jack, if it was me, I’d send the kids back to Jill, and fucking disown them, and never go near them again.”

Because let’s face it, Jack is fucked, any way you look at it… he can’t tell Jill, she will screech it was all his fault (her being perfect wimminz and all) and there goes what access he does have, and probable arrest and charging and life on the sex offenders register.

He can’t just trash the phone, because Jill will go ballistic, back to the lawyers, and anyway Tom will just be given another phone, and a week later it too will be full of child pornography.

He can’t pretend it didn’t happen, because it did, he knows, and he can’t wipe his own brain.

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The thing is, Tom and Dick and Harriet are actually lovely kids, perfectly normal in every way, perfectly respectable too, if these kids are doing it, MOST KIDS ARE DOING IT.

If most kids are doing it, then, given our current insane paedogeddon hysteria where you can get arrested for asking Boots to develop pictures of your baby in the bath, then most of the adults with parental responsibility or acting in loco parentis are in deep, deep, deep fucking shit, whether they know it or not.

Why do you think the teachers union NASUWT reacted with gibbering horror when an MP proposed a Bill/Law that would enable teachers to examine any child’s mobile phone and delete anything they chose??? Because while parents are complete fucking assholes, teachers at least know what the kids are actually doing with their camera phones…. and why they “need” a “GOOD” phone with a good camera and a good screen…. ideally one that takes and plays movies, and adds them to SMS messages too…

Little Tom’s phone wasn’t quite up to that spec, and his little 12 year old porn queen friends weren’t quite up to speed, but by the time they are 13 or 14 then yes these girl CHILDREN in law will be sticking their fingers and god knows what else inside their cunts and videoing it and sending it via SMS, and bingo you, as responsible parent or person acting in loco parentis, will be done for posession of level 5, the most extreme form of child pornography.

Speaking as someone maliciously and Falsely Accused of Rape, I dodged a bullet, if my lying cunt ex was smarter she would have planted a mobile phone on my premises or in my car containing this sort of widely available (just ask any schoolkid, 20 cigarettes for some SMS porn) child pornography, and I would almost certainly NOT be here typing this.

I would probably be in a cell crying myself to sleep at night mumbling “I didn’t do it” while the other prisoners screamed how they were going to kill me, sick paedo, as soon as they got the chance.

But the fact is, this is a ground zero thermonuclear event waiting to happen in our society, it has a certain fascinating but awful slow motion inevitability, and until many of our preconceptions and laws are shattered by this paedogeddon explosion, a very large number of people, almost certainly all men, almost certainly all divorced / separated, almost certainly all with limited access to their children, are going to be convicted of possession of the most extreme child pornography, and frankly they are then better off dead by their own hands, because life as they knew it will be over, no matter how long they live, or how short the prison sentence.

The fact that they will all undoubtedly be not only legally innocent, but in fact completely and utterly fucking ignorant of what was going on with their kids phones, will be neither here nor there.

I’m glad I’m not Jack.

I’m glad I decided not to validate or play with the Family Court, but told them all “fuck you” and walked away.

I’m getting gladder every day.