Wimminz – celebrating skank ho's everywhere

September 26, 2011

Wimminz tips, checklist on how to get a man.

Filed under: Wimminz — Tags: , , , , , , , — wimminz @ 12:16 am

This post follows a rather frank discussion with one of the more intelligent, but still fucked up, wimminz on the internet dating production line…. basically she tried to exit with the usual bullshit, and got it thrown back in her face, instead of crying she just looked at me stone cold and said “OK, tell me what men really want in a woman“… so I did.

Then she cried, because she pissed away that currency years ago.

  1. Everything you have ever done at any time in the past sexually better be on the table now as an absolute fucking MINIMUM, any other option is like saying I am not worth as much as them, in which case go fuck off back to them. I may not want to do all that shit with your skank ho ass, but it sure as fuck better be on the table and on offer, gratis.
  2. Every single word that comes out of your mouth today better be a word you stand by for the remainder of your life, no moving the goalposts, ever.
  3. Keep your fucking feelings to yourself, and keeping your fucking feelings to yourself means not acting on them and then using them as an excuse to break rule #2 above. “I don’t think you are what I am looking for / I am what you are looking for” etc, if men wanted to know what you think we will fucking ask you, assuming we want the mutable “opinion” of a spoiled child in the first fucking place.
  4. Shave your cunt and wash your body and all your holes (douche, bitches) so that they are always fresh and clean, this applies to your fucking bedclothes and pillows etc too…. fresh and clean does not mean smelling of deoderant or your cats, soap and fucking water is enough.
  5. If you are over 35 your cunt will be starting to dry up, this is not my problem, it is yours, so buy a bottle of a suitable lubricant such as Liquid Silk (no, no KY Jelly or Astroglide) and keep it by the bed.
  6. No, I will not ever lick your mangy cunt, not even if you stuff it full of strawberries and smear it with cream right after washing it, if you want your cunt licked smear some butter on it and get a dog.
  7. Learn how to deep throat, practice with a dildo or a banana, you can stop the gag reflex simply by breathing through your nose, you still cannot class deep throat ability as being able to give a good blow job.
  8. Good blow jobs, I have fucked hundreds of wimminz, and I can literally count on my fingers the number who could give a decent blow job, and I can literally count on my fingers the number who did give blowjobs, (98% of them) who did not falsely claim they gave good blowjobs…. giving a good blow job is easy, use your mouth to simulate a cunt, that means no hands, no teeth, no talk, no emulating a vacuum cleaner, no emulating a tyre inflator, no spitting, no tissues, not gagging and wait a minute till I stop coughing / get my breath back.
  9. Lose fucking weight, yes you, you fat cunt, 10 stone / 140 lbs / 64 kg is top whack no matter what your height is.
  10. Do not EVER, EVER, EVER tar me with the same brush you just used to tell me what a cunt your ex was, I do not give a fuck what happened to you, or what you claim happened to you, because I don’t believe any of your fucking stories anyway.
  11. Do not EVER tell me “My kids come first” because if they did you would still be with their father you useless skank ho cunt.
  12. Do not EVER tell feminist jokes in front of me, like about man flu or when god made men she was only joking or women can multitask, do not EVER suggest we watch some limp dick wimminz film together, do not EVER suggest we listen to some George Michael or Gary Barlow or whoever the fuck is flavour of the week, do not EVER tell me George Clooney is hot and makes your cunt drip… you are with ME, you will pay me the requisite amount of respect and attention or you will no longer be with me, comprendez?
  13. Tidy your fucking house, if you don’t you stand zero chance of me ever going back there after the first visit/fuck. All you stupid skanks who post pictures of yourself on dating sites with piles of laundry, cluttered kitchen worktops and assorted crap everywhere in the background won’t even get a first fuck.
  14. Wake me up with a blowjob, every day, without fail.
  15. Learn how I like my coffee, pay attention the first time you are told, it isn’t that complex, eg “white and sweet and strong” and never have to be told again, consider it one of those little ways of showing me you give a fuck.
  16. Do not ever expect me to open a fucking door, carry a fucking parcel, or pick up a fucking bill.
  17. Learn how to cook and feed me… not on demand, have the shit there and offer regularly, also make sure you have my favourite brand of beer in the fridge.
  18. If I am staying the night wash and dry my smalls (socks and underwear) overnight so I have fresh to put on in the morning, like items #13 onwards these things all go towards your ability to to make a man feel at home and comfortable.
  19. Never ever ever be even one minute late, be fifteen minutes early if necessary and wait. It shows you give a fuck.
  20. Do not ever answer your mobile phone or check your messages, that shit can wait. If you want something to do with your hands massage my shoulders and back.             …and finally, perhaps the most important one of all.
  21. SHUT THE FUCK UP. You do not have to talk.

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