Originally of course it’s the title of the original and best Cheech & Chong film.
But the thing is that it will be reality for many, and I note that the meme for “systemic failure” is spreading apace…
Ongoing / incipient systemic failure was the real reason I quit the day job IT backbone fixin’, as I told everyone who would listen, when I joined this company three years ago, maybe one job every couple of weeks was not fixed on the first visit, nowadays maybe one job every two weeks is fixed on the first visit, the rest require one or more subsequent visits, and it’s doing my fucking head in…. because as the guy who trained me said, when you go on site to fix Cisco issues, you need three things;
- You need working Cisco kit – so unless the kit on site is *known* to be good you need a spare
- You need the *correct* IOS for that box and that site / application – each box has several different IOS’s, with different capabilities and licences etc
- You need the *correct* config for that box and that site.
If you lack any of these three, it’s no go, so when you get sent to a site with no spare box, no info as to the correct IOS, and no idea of the correct config, it’s pretty much a no brainer that you aren’t going to fix it.
You get sent to a site that they know has a dead Cisco box because the indian tech support guys talked to the polish employees and determined that despite being turned on at the wall, there are no LED’s illuminated and a faint smell of magic smoke, so they send you out with a new box and tell you to pull the correct IOS and config from the dead box.
After about the thirteenth attempt at explaining to my office why this is futile, you give up, and go to site anyway, hell, it uses up your day, and you know you will either a/ only be there for 5 minutes, which resets the SLA clock for the customer… fnaar fnaar, or you’ll be there hours, while someone tries to find an old file copy of the config to send to you, and you can start with a base IOS and see of that has enough bells and whistles to run the config…
Meanwhile over on the Harley tech forums there is a thread all about carburettors vs electronic fuel injection, it all falls on deaf ears when I try to explain that I have a 1981 Yamaha v twin with electronic ignition, and despite Yamaha still being in business, the CDI module is obsolete, so I have had to try to find an aftermarket custom job that will work, and that is still and watch this space work in progress, and so far I have spent 300 quid buying bits to replace a 30 year old bit of auto electronics, and 30 quid for a rebuild kit for he 30 year old Hitachi carbs fitted to the bitch.
That would be why yours truly here (95 year old mum as well) is sitting on a 2002 bike retrofitted with a 1990’s carburettor, I just sold they Holley 2 bbl for £125 to some guy up north who is going to replace the CV40 on his 80″ evo lump, not if he has any sense, if he has any sense it will sit on a shelf for 9 months before he himself will attempt to sell it on.
Because even when it comes to purely mechanical things like carburettors, some are technically superior to others, and the original Harley branded Kelhin CV carb is a case in point.
It is a thoroughly excellent carb from a technical viewpoint, whilst also being a remarkably simple and elegant carb from a purely mechanical viewpoint, constant velocity carbs may not do *some* things quite as well as say a direct cable operated Mikuni HSR42 flat slide job, but they do do *every* thing very well indeed.
I’m now carb limited to about 100 BHP, which is *considerably* down from the 124 BHP / 129 ft/lb torque that the Holley 2bbl produced, but the bitch is docile in traffic, starts and idles better, gives better MPG and just yesterday ran up to 95 mph and still had fairly impressive “go” when I twisted the throttle wider, and really, if I want significantly more power than that why not go out and buy a Hayabusa… I could probably buy two very good used ones in exchange for the tractor… lol
Then we will get into discussions about the failings of the HD twin cam motor (2000 ish to present, so it’s due retirement) but I’ve been around long enough and I have literally never heard of a single make or model of motorcycle (or anything else) that you could not sit on for 5 minutes before someone would walk up and tell you all about the known weak points with that particular make and model.
Hell, I’m guilty of it myself, carbs fell off the CX500, wings has water pump problems, Honda 500 single had a weak cylinder head, and I haven’t even started on the single make from a single era, and everyone knows everyone who has suffered from these failings.
And nobody talks about the guys who did 350,000 miles before even pulling the heads off.
Hell, I myself am probably responsible for many of the tales of woe regarding late 70’s and early mid 80’s jap fours, simply because literally all I ever did was put petrol in them and thrash the living shit out of them… I honestly do not recall ever doing an oil or filter change… sure, I was much better when it came to BSA iron, but then that shit was already 20 years old by then and needed a bit of TLC.
But every time I found a bike with fucked up carburation and an owner who spent the next 3 years fucking with it before buying a brand new and different set of carbs to miraculously fix the problem, because returning the fitted carbs to factory new spec was a waste of time, after all, they are what is already on the bike, and it’s running like a piece of shit innit… I did at least find someone who did eventually fix the problem, as in make it go away until sufficient years and miles had passed on the new carbs to make them as bad as the pice of shit old carbs.
But with carbs at least you do not get a systemic failure, with EFI, or with CDI as I found to my cost with the 1981 Yam, when it goes wrong and when it is old / obsolete as well, well, you have big problems buddy.
There are all sorts of sane sensible and normal and expected reasons why a dead battery will equal no electrical spark to the spark plugs and no ignition of the fuel air mixture and no running vehicle.
To be sure, there are ways around that, everything from running magnetos to trail bike BSA singles with a zener diode to dump excess power from the charging circuit and no battery.
But it’s not quite so easy to explain away (remember, we are talking motorcycles, so the fuel tank is above the engine (unless it’s a gold wing etc) so simple gravity will get fuel *down* to the engine, and simple air flow over a venturi will atomise that fuel, and simply piston down stroke with inlet valve open will produce said air flow, so it is not quite so sane and sensible and expected to explain why a dead battery will stop fuel from getting into the engine.
Of course the EFI advocated will state, quite correctly, that the dead battery preventing fuel from getting to the motor isn’t really an issue, as the dead battery also means you don’t have a spark to ignite that fuel.
It’s a valid point, and not a million miles away from the earlier one in the seventies and eighties when the kickstarter went away to be replaced with the electric foot, if there is no power to run the starter there is no power for the spark.
Except, there were cases where a dying battery would provide enough oomph to give you a spark, if you bump started it, and then the alternator from the running engine would take over.
So what really happened was was counted as a “good enough” battery got tightened up considerably, and this happened again with CDI systems that had a cut off voltage below which they simply refused to even thing about running, and it has happened again with EFI, and all the other now standard electrical parasitic loads on the charging system and battery, to the point where what would be considered a dead battery in a 2015 harley would run a 1955 Harley for a few years, so bike batteries are no longer cheap items that you don’t worry about too much, just so long as they hold some sort of charge… hell, my old 1961 BSA A10 with Lucas K2F magneto and a dynamo, I know it *had* a battery, but I don’t believe I ever even *looked* at it, much less put a voltmeter on it to check how much charge it was holding, whereas modern bike and car owners are fitting new batteries every three years of necessity, even though the capacity of what is being fitted as standard now is ludicrously huge compared to what would have been considered standard 40 years ago.
This then is a rough and ready definition of systemic failure, I used to ride motorcycles where all sorts of individual systems could play up, cease working altogether or even literally fall off the bike, and the bike still ran well enough to get me home.
Now a days there are so many interconnected and interdependent systems that you can effectively be fine one minute or one hour or one day, and the next, nothing.
Hell, my current ride I carry around a little fob with a CR2032 coin cell in it, you really do not want to know how many HD riders get stuck in a gas station, because they pulled in for gas, and when they went to start up again they find the last gasp of the coin cell went on disabling the security so the bike would start 70 miles away back home earlier in the day.
Hell, I even know of guys who have had the whole bike towed to the stealership thinking there was a problem with the ECU or something, not even considering it was the coin cell in the fob… nowadays I have to carry two fobs, just in case one dies, and change the coin cells in both each year, just because the three year recommended replacement period is only OK if everything is optimal, and real life isn’t optimal, and the costs of that coin cell not doing its thing…
In the aforementioned thread on the harley tech forums, there are guys raving about EFI, they say it’s great, they do not even have to get their hands grease, just pick up at laptop and push a new map to the EFI module.
No more “can I borrow a screwdriver please mate” but can I borrow a laptop, oh, can you tether your phone so I have 3G access, oh, can I install some software on here, oh, I have my licence key somewhere, oh, amazon cloud isn’t responding and I can’t get my default map for the EFI, without which all that fancy electronics is just a paperweight.
On monday my lease car is going back, it isn’t being replaced, it is a 2013 1.6 golf bluemotion diesel, it has 70k miles on the clock, and it has been repaired at least 4 times, and each repair was one of the many very expensive ECU’s scattered around the car.
If it rains and the windows are open a smidge, because there are no gutters the rain falls down inside the door where all the handles and switches are, and since those switches no longer switch anything except microcurrents, they just talk to an ECU somewhere that talks to some relays somewhere that actually turn the current to the electric windows on and off, the passenger side window randomly goes down all by itself.. THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN FIXED ONCE, £500 for a new ECU, and then flash the main one to tell it to talk to the new sub one that runs the windows.
Meanwhile the common rail high pressure diesel injection system is playing up, it is not sounding happy or healthy, and despite it being a new car with less than 3 years of age, the diesel in my old 300D merc, which was all mechanical with an all mechanical in line injection pump, despite being 20 + years old, sounded as smooth as a 9 year old girl’s cunt, meanwhile the bluemotion sounds like 47 year old miss gang bang runner up of 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 etc.
“Just in time” logistics… systemic failure
Monetary policy – systemic failure
Immigration policy – systemic failure
Hell, if we look at the whole wimminz thing, pre systemic failure if your woman was giving you grief, you swapped it out for another model, problem solved.
In systemic failure swapping your wimminz out for another one does not eliminate the problem, you have to eliminate the feminazi state and society.
In my new day job with the laser business, in which I am unique, as I was in the computer business before that, because I published my prices right there on the website, and I mean actual billing prices, not loss leader invitation to treat special offer but nobody ever actually gets to pay this little prices, I have just been told by a colleague in the same trade that a potential customer spoke to him, told him he knew of me, and I was “too expensive” because I publish my per minute and per hour of laser machine time rates.
I told the colleague fuck the potential customer, if my rates scared them away, then good riddance.
Hilariously I then got a hold of the spreadsheet used in that area of the signmaking industry to calculate costs, and it all works on letter sizes and how many letters you want, and when I put some number in what do I find, but that my prices are almost spot on 80% of the prices you will get quoted using this industry standard calculation.
Systemic failure, in the case an industry having people who do buying who cannot do basic math, or who cannot get three actual quotes from three different suppliers and compare apples to apples, instead they compare apples to oranges ( a per minute machine time billing regime vs a per item piecework billing regime) and choose oranges every time, and then wonder why one day they go bust.
My mum (you knew eventually there would be a reason to mention her way up there) has a large 5 foot tropical fish tank, recently she bought 6 fish from a local shop, 4 of them died in a week, and at least 12 other fish died too, we are currently treating the water with a fungicide, problem was the shop didn’t isolate and monitor the fish for a week before selling them, in on day and sold to my mum the next, complete with the fungal infection they arrived with.
In the local rag there is an article about this very shop, they are closing, and the owners blame the anti social behaviour of the drunks and homeless who hang out outside (I have never personally seen one outside the shop in question, though many of them do hang around that area of town as there are drop out centres there) and the cost of business rates and the problems of location not being quite on the high street and the economy in general.
The fact that they sell my mum £20 worth of fish which die and then kill £100 worth of fish, plus we have to go out and but £10 worth of water treatment and so on, doesn’t appear on the radar, and that again is systemic failure.
It’s systemic because there is no method in place to determine the single cause of failure, and swap out that single part / employee / process, and eliminate any possibility of it recurring.
The branch (one of three) will close, 3 staff will lose their jobs, another shop in town in boarded up, and everything else will continue as normal, the fish supplier will continue, the owners will continue, the other two outlets will continue, until one day the whole lot goes to the wall.
Meanwhile there is no room for an independent to start up, because they aren’t known, their pricing structures will be seen as being too expensive (sic) the competition will slag them off, and the beat will continue.
systemic failure does not just mean that Gotham City loses all its tropical fish shops, I have talked elsewhere about stall speed, as stall speed + 1 knot the aircraft is flying, at stall speed – 1 knot the aircraft is falling like a brick.
systemic failure and stall speed are two sides of the same coin, so you find that in early 2015 out of the 74 shops on the high street, 2 are boarded up, and in late 216 out of the 74 shops on the high street, 38 are boarded up, and at that point NOBODY but betting shops and indian takeaways and pawn shops will even consider moving in.
Game over man.
Lots of people talk about a great reset.
Just who the fuck is going to be doing this resetting?
It will NOT be the ork rapefugee immigrants, it won’t be the bankers who fuelled the crash and burn credit boom, it won’t be the multicorp walmarts who just shut up shop the first day the management models says the shop is not making a sufficient profit.
It isn’t going to be the next big thing internet startup of mobile raspberry pi dildo shop, nor will it be empowered skanky wimminz cup cake shops and nail salons.
It will be daft cunts like me who went without shit to save up cash and buy tools and equipment to set up as entrepreneurs and small businessmen.
And many of you will tell us we are too fucking expensive, well guess what buddy, YOUR ability to make a profit is none of my business or my concern, MINE is, so if you do not want to pay me what I want, I’ll be out on that bike enjoying myself, in preference to working for a cunt like you for nothing and perpetuating the systemic failure I see all around me.
Externalise that motherfucker.