With a tagline like that, I could be talking about pretty much anything…
So my erstwhile employer, the channel partner in UK tech responsible for providing the actual techs who turn up to business internet sites and say Hi, I’m Steve from Talk talk / BT / Virgin / Serco / et al, I’m beginning to think I jumped ship just in time, before they hit the wall.
We used to have samsung work phones on the EE network, far from being Everything Everywhere, I used to joke that actual coverage was nothing nowhere, so I’d been off work prior to handing in my notice, using up accrued sick and holiday pay, and in periodic discussion with my line manager had mentioned several times about issues with the phone not being registered on the network.
In one of those crystal clear with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight issues, some six weeks later I realised that the issue with the crossed wires between myself and my line manager is I’m talking about the old phone, a samsung note 3 on EE, and he is talking about the new phone, which I believe was a samsung note 4 on vodafart, I say I believe because I never got the new phone, nor did I get a missive from HR informing of these details, what the company was changing to, and why (even cheaper than EE presumably)
So eventually I am told I signed for the bastard one day in early December 2015, but I’m told this late Feb 2016, and it is fucking news to me, plus, the scribble provided by the courier looks nothing like my sig, plus, google location history has me leaving the house 15 minutes before the fucking phone was signed for, so to cut a long story short the fucked company states that they intend to deduct the cost of the phone from my severance, and I have told them that if they do that, I will see the cunts in court.
And I’m sitting here thinking I left the company just in time, because in other news I was in court last week, I took Npower to court, because basically I am saying I have paid all my utility bills for the past 4 years in the place, here are all the payments, here is what they add up to (some £1,500 per year, which is fair enough for a single guy living alone) and here is Npower demanding over 2k in back electricity, with no proof to back it up, just final demands and debt collector letters… this being the german owned Npower who got fined 36 million last year for fucked up billing, this being the Npower who just announced making 2,500 of their 8,000 staff redundant, so the beak tells Npower in very strongly worded terms to fuck off and recalculate my bills, and in the interim stop hassling me via debt collectors, and awards me the costs in the case against Npower.
Npower is clearly a fucked company, and by the same token so is my former employer, and I say that because of the way they are acting, things fall apart at the seams, nobody seems to be in charge, nobody seems to take personal responsibility, and their only answer to anything is to externalise all costs and responsibilities, our fucking useless ex employee can pay for the fucking missing phone.
This despite the fact that I have handled hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of kit in the three years I have been with them, never even stolen so much as a biro, never massaged my mileage or hours, and never even claimed all the hours or expenses or allowances that I was entitled to… when push comes to shove, despite repeated statements from myself that I never saw the fucking new phone and can prove I was not even there at the time it was allegedly signed for, and no evidence apart from the couriers dodgy signature (hell, the wankers did not even query that in the six weeks since the phone was shipped I had never registered it on the network, made a call, logged on to my wifi and enabled the company exchange access, etc etc etc) none of which is good enough to stand up in court, no, all they know is they are out a 500 quid phone and some cunt is going to pay and that cunt is going to be me… not this fucking white boy.
I’m gonna contrast this with two small local firms, one is a motorcycle mechanic and mot centre, the other does m/c spares, so I take the bike in for an MOT and it fails on a dented front wheel rim, which I knew about but thought I would take a chance.
HD want north of 550 quid, and wait two plus weeks for a wheel to be shipped from the states, go fuck yourself, the m/c spares guy says he has three wheels that should be suitable, how about he drops them off at the bike shop so we can let the dog see the rabbit, he can do that tomorrow on the way to drop the kids off to school, and if any of these brand new wheels are any good, call it 150 cash.
So yesterday he dropped them off, and one is perfect, so I ask the mechanic how much to swap the wheel over (remove old, remove tyre and tube, remove brake disk, replace and reassemble) and no the rear reflector and headlight adjustment needed for the MOT, 56 quid he says, so I’ll be down later today with 150 notes in cash for the spares guy and 60 notes in cash for the mechanic.
Now *that* is the way to do business and stay in business, not the fucked comms company and fucked Npower way.
Both of these guys are going to get more of my business, and both of these guys are going to get my recommend.
Npower and my former fucked company can go fuck themselves and employ a few thousand rapefugees before they hit the wall, but, therein lies a tale of caution, her indoors doesn’t get what will really happen.
What will really happen is when Npower hit the wall and get wound up, someone else will step in and buy the company, debts and all, and then they will start pursuing these, debts, and unlike Npower they wil have zero access to the historical billing and correspondence processes, so it will be you owe us fucking money, fucking pay up or the fucking bailiffs go in, so unles syou are like me and have evidence that you took Npower to court and the beak awarded costs to me against Npower and told them to go away and do their sums again, you’re fucked…. because the new company will have the perfect excuse for not being able to produce the billing, but, being a respectable company in the city, they will have the credibility in the court room, Joe Public will not, case found for Npower, send in the bailiffs and take all that peon’s shit.
It is for these and other reasons that I know we are headed for a financial shitstorm, as soon as the masses start to use any given gate to get away from X, said gate will be closed and only the early adopters will run, everyone else will be kept in the net.
Now the swedes are openly discussing the end of cash in 5 years, which, to put it another way, is the end of the individual’s ability to find a bike parts guy who will sell him a wheel for 150, to find a mechanic who will fit it for 60, to find a hole in the wall machine to draw the cash to do the above, what you will have instead is a state sanctioned and big brother controlled ID card, that holds a balance number that may or may not reflect reality, but about which the only thing that is certain is that the person whose name appears on it will be the one person with no control whatsoever over it.
Just like paypal, Npower mk2 will simply deduct whatever it wants, and if that puts you in the red, incurs unauthorised O/D fees, and prevents other bills from being paid, tough shit.
Similarly after you have left fuckedcompany2, they can do the same thing to you, either not paying in what they should, or clawing back what they should not, and being “trusted” actors, these transactions will be seen in the same light as if you went down to Sainsubury’s and blew 100 quid on vin du pays, eg as a legitimate transaction, and you, you naughty irresponsible little shit, should have read the small print to prevent yourself from going into the red….
No worries if you are a rapefugee or skank ho single mom on state benefits, you’ll get your iphone 7 and a bunch of provided at source state handouts and a regular deposit into your account from the state, so you got no worries, no sireee. Npower2 or fuckedcompany2 can’t fuck you up, only the erstwhile former working man gets the shaft.
2016 is going to be a real interesting year.