This is why you leave the door open to things, you can always pop in for a coffee when you’re passing.
Nothing has changed with the blog, ton of shit I’d love to say, ton of shit I’d like to say in video, no real time, and frankly, don’t want to have it become a core bit of my life, it isn’t life, talking to the internet.
When I was 16 a fellow foreign student paid me the greatest compliment of my life, he said lots of people claim to be non-conformists, but you really are one. I don’t think he knew why I was, I know I didn’t, at the time.
With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and a few decades of experience, I do now….. My acceptance of things that I cannot change is grim and uncompromising, and other phrases that were applied to me by those in authoritah were “dumb insolence” and “disrupting”… I didn’t actually break any of the important fucking rules, I just didn’t play any part in their upkeep either.. the dumb insolence was classic, no answers that I was prepared to give were acceptable, and they are gonna fuck with me anyway, so I might as well just stand there and say sweet fuck all.
Looking back, and looking forwards, that’s me.
That is who and what I am, my mother used to tell the story of taking my brother to school, and telling the nuns he was a good boy, but he didn’t like custard… so the nun looks at her and says “a little every day, and he will come to like it”… to this day he can’t stand the stuff, and he wears a hearing aid now, has for years, so it’s been a *lot* of days since then, and I still love it… possibly partly because he hated it, and it was important to not be like him, that’s still true too.
I guess that’s why the ex did the whole FRA thing, contrary to all the claims, she wasn’t in any prison, or if she was, it was one of her own making, I’ll never give up on anyone, until the moment they tell me they don’t wanna play any more, then there is nothing I can do.. shutdown, but like those masters back at school, and various other authoritah figures I have come across in life, I wasn’t into playing their games, I didn’t actually fucking break any of their important rules, but I ain’t doing shit for their upkeep either, good luck with that one and say hi to the devil on your way out.
po-po and social services and the judge got the same shit, faced the same problem, I hadn’t broken any of their important rules, but I wasn’t doing shit for their upkeep, so they couldn’t actually fuck me over, one because it sends a bad message to the rest of the flock, and two because, well, you never know, that may be enough to radicalise me and turn me from not giving two fucks to not giving any, and if I know I’m fucked, I’m taking all you cunts with me.
Leopards and their spots, as they say, you could see from my spots what I was from a very young age, and the same is true for everyone else….
Been fucking around with the swinging / fucking / dating / pof sites again the last couple of weeks, so it’s a bit like saying “all dwarves are under 4 feet tall, but not everyone under 4 feet tall is a dwarf” you have kids, and adults who have lost both legs, and so on, every wimminz on a swinging / fucking site is also on two or more dating / pof sites… and as Squeeze sang back in the late 70’s about the convicts, all their wives looked the bleeding same, and it’s the same on PoF, not just so many of the same old faces still there, they all look the fucking same, these are the spots on the leopards that failed in the Marriage game.
To Thine Own Self Be True
That’s one thing I did get right, and that’s the one thing that kept me alive, be untrue to yourself and everyone else will just skin that leopard and make slippers outta ya..
You can’t change what spots you got, you can only be true to them, and that way doesn’t lie happiness and riches and a loving wife and all that shit, but the best recommendation for it is that it is the least worst possible fucking tactic you can adopt for your life, no matter what shit throws at you.
Tough shit if being true to yourself means everyone else just finds you frustrating and annoying and insolent and a pain in the ass they would rather be without.
So this skank says to me last week, you know, the stuff you have been through, the FRA and stuff, you’re a victim of abuse, and that’s why you’re cranky.
Go fuck yourself, I’m cranky because I am bored shitless with the same old lies and bullshit and microcephalic moronic crap from every fucking wimminz I meet or speak no, no exceptions, I start running a fucking clock in my head when we start talking, and it goes DING and DING and DING when they inevitably play the same old hand over and over and over again, then DING and DING and DING with the same old fucking insults, I have heard it all a fucking million times before bitch.
So no, it don’t matter if I met you at the bus stop or on PoF or a fucking site, you got the same fucking spots, and your camouflage, well, lets just say it’s painted on your mirror babe, along with the emperor’s new clothes.
Shit.. at least I can pay my bills for now and I got some cool toys for now and some health for now, could be worse.
I could still be a believer.