About 20/25 minutes ago, I put a freshly hand rolled cigarette in my mouth, it sat there for a minute before I got around to lighting it, as I was doing the morning coffee and check teh intertubez ritual.
So I lit it, took a drag, and grabbed it between 1st and 2nd fingers of my right hand to remove it, in the interim, the paper had become stuck to my lip, a known thing with roll-ups, so when I completed the hand motion to remove the smoke from my mouth, what happened was my fingers slid down the smoke, popping the burning end off, which proceeded to fall onto my chest / stomach and around the side to the crease between my ass and the cushion, burning hair all the way.
Unlike basically everything I read on teh intertubez, or anywhere else, I know that this event was real, I saw it, I felt it, I smelt it, all with mine own senses…. the problem is, I do not believe anything I read, or hear, or see, or am told, via any form of medium that does not involve my own personal direct experience.
This is a learned behaviour, the moral of the buy who cried wolf, the one time he finally told the truth, nobody believed him.
I had an interesting conversation a summer or two ago with a yank, this was one of these who was absolutely convinced that the moon landings were faked, and a drunken herdsman leaned over and said Obama was faked too, all special effects ya know, my son’s got an xbox, amazing the shit you can see on that, and the yank went nuts, I voted for hope and change and all that shit, but it occurred to me then, there was just as much empirical evidence, as far as that individual yank was concerned, that the moon landings were real, as there was that Obumma was real, after all, this guy had seen neither, hadn’t even seen the white house, or washington, how did he know they existed?
I’m now down to a dozen links that I will check daily, and mainly, they bore me shitless too, they are mainly canaries in a coal mine, like ZH, just check they are still alive, yup, OK, it hasn’t hit yet.
Despite having a 60 mbit connection, I’m almost never downloading any new audio-visual programming, I think two films so far this year, godzilla and transformers, and both were unalloyed shit…. I’d almost rather restart Skyrim from scratch, but having already played it through, ennui sets in there too, but that is partly down to me, Skyrim is pointless without ranged weapons, and there are only two, bows and crossbows, and at level 82 either one in sneak mode can kill just about anything with one shot, why would I bother with hand to hand shit.
You see, hot on the heels of not believing anything I see and read any more, comes that far more tragic thing, I don’t give a flying shit about anything, just myself.
Women are getting like it too, compare their profile or public persona to a mega budget hollywood film trailer, no matter how great and interesting and new and wonderful they attempt to make the trailer seem, I am all meh, seen it all before, and frankly having seen the trailer I have already seen all the best bits.
Nowhere do I see any evidence whatsoever of the only remaining things that would interest me, unlimited 24/7 obedience and loyalty, even if the body is really hot, I know that jpeg is the best of it, and from there on in as every detail is added it will just suck even more.
I don’t think my sex drive is fading due to some sort of ageing process, where it is no longer as vital and urgent as it was, though admittedly there has clearly been some fade since my teenage days when I could not get through the day without having several wanks, I think it is more the boredom of working in a sweet shop where you can eat all you want for free, after a time none of it interests me.
Oh look, another whole new episode of walking dead, or friends, or baywatch, or top gear… meh…
It’s like the house full of people going through their daily crises, omg, sheena has unfreinded me on fuckbook, omg, the new girl at work is such a bitch, omg, have you seen how much diesel costs, omg, why can’t I get a decent boyfriend, omg, 2.55 for a fucking latte!
Meanwhile on the back porch there is a dog, just lying there, dozing on and off, opens his eyes now and again to glance at the rabbit on the lawn, meh, fuck it, closes his eyes again.
That dog is me.
I don’t care, it’s hard to describe the vastness of the universe of things that I don’t care about, last week there was a story about some indian couple who handed over their 9 year old daughter as collateral for a loan.
I’m all, meh, non story if it had been a boy, meh, if the collateral is chained up all day it can’t do chores, meh, how much is one 9 year old mini skank worth anyway, meh, maybe the parents were all YES we got rid of that bitch without having to worry about a dowry, for the win…
Not because it was some brown skinned kid half a continent away either, could be next door, hell, Fritzl or the Ayatollah Over-laden could live next door planing their latest depravities, I don’t care.
Just this morning I saw a wimminz putting her kids in the kiddy seat of a small compact car, front wheel drive, with a nearly flat offside rear tyre (a remarkably unstable and dangerous configuration as soon as you pass a certain speed, or hit rain, or anything else…), and I thought about warning her, and I thought, meh, I don’t care, so instead I stopped and watched, just to see if she would notice, or check her vehicle, or anything but get off the phone… she didn’t.. meh, I don’t care.
20 years ago I’d get shit from a wimminz because I did not notice, eg care, that she had a new hairstyle…. I’m talking a particular wimminz now, not even one I was or have ever fucked either, now, she is dying of cancer, and guess what bitch, I don’t care.
But wait, in manoshpere terms, it gets worse, much worse.
What about the innocent male children of single skank ho mommies who never bothered to ensure that their father was in their lives, again, I can think of a specific example here, rather than merely talking in generalities.
That kids needs a mentor, a role model, a man who he can talk to, who can advise him, and he really does need it, he is heading for a world of hurt, what else is there for a boy raised exclusively by skank ho mommy.
I don’t care, fuck him, it’s already far too fucking late for the boy.
Hell, I’m not allowed to care for and look out for my own flesh and blood, why should I give a flying fuck about the other 1.9 billion kids out there… and I mean that most sincerely, whether it working in a sweat shot or being chained to a wall as collateral for a loan or being fucked for money, I don’t care.
I don’t care is great for states and governments embarking on totalitarian regimes, which, frankly speaking, they all are now, they are all moving that way, not towards greater freedoms and liberties.
I don’t care isn’t going to pick up a gun or an ammonia bomb and say this far and no further and fuck you all.
I don’t care isn’t going to bob off to join the rebels somewhere else and cut off our oil.
I don’t care isn’t going to be hanging bankers and lawyers from lamp-posts.
But, it ain’t all roses.
A quite I have quoted before “We didn’t start the fire, so don’t expect us all to suddenly become firemen”
See, ultimately, all these plans and maneouvers and such like, Ukraine of wherever, they are all played by people who think they have their hand on the pause button, we can always stop it before it gets *too* bad.
People who think the ultimate in evil are the hired mercs who will commit any atrocity for money, bomb the civilians, whatever, no worries man, just show me the fucking money man, and my ticket outta here when we done.
Babes in the woods.
I don’t care will just sit there and watch you bleed out screaming, will watch the damn collapse, will watch the hospital burn, will watch the innocent shoved into gas chambers, will watch the guilty swing from lamp-posts, will watch the desperate trade a 9 year old for collateral, will watch the babies sold for food, will watch it all, all things that we could intervene in and stop, or mitigate, all fires that we could fight, but we won’t.
We don’t care.
I don’t care.
Like the young man of whom I spoke up there, or the wimminz, or the others, it’s not that they can not make it worth our while to be motivated, it is that they won’t, until it is too late, until the only thing that will save them is a time machine so they can do over the bit where they had the opportunity to motivate me, but there ain’t no time masheen.. (sic)
I know they won’t, so what is the point me making any effort at all?
Conscience? So I can say at least I tried to warn them while there was still time?
No. I don’t care.
No, it’s not a wimminz I’m not haappyy…. so MAKE me happy you bastards.
And if I don’t care if you live or die or how miserable your life is or how much agony and pain you scream out as you go into that long night, you really think I am going to care what you think of me?
I don’t care.
You are all already dead to me, this, this is just ghosts, that rabbit out on the lawn, that’s a trick too… I’m just gonna close my other eye and lie here and relax…