People have asked me in the past, many times, how come I see shit.. the answer is simple, I open my eyes and watch.
You can learn all sorts of things by watching, without ever having to even be aware of the existence of the things that drive what you are watching… eg you don’t need to know dick about chemistry of combustion or anything else to learn what will burn readily, what needs help, what won’t.
You don’t even need to be right all the time to learn by watching, some times you can be wrong, and the crocs will ignore the antelope crossing the river, but provided you aren’t wrong too often, and the cost for being wrong isn’t too high, no biggie.
I got a friend, she is a self-confessed fuckup. She fucks up all the time.
I know that fuckups are like sins, you have to atone for them to purge and cleanse yourself of the stain, if you don’t, sooner or later nature or karma or whatever you want to call it, will come calling for its pound of flesh.
You could have fasted and given up that pound of flesh in a manageable way, karma will just rip your fucking face off, or maybe your sexual organs, maybe a hand… but you don’t get away from paying the piper for your tunes and your fuckups.
What’s more, until you cleanse yourself of the stain, everyone around you pays the price, karma is a vengeful God, more than willing to visit the sins of the father on the sons for seven generations hence.
This isn’t Zen, or mystical bullshit, or deep philosophy or spirituality… if it is, so is watching a shoe with an untied lace fall off a foot.
Philosophy is when you put these observations into practice in your own life, yeah, I got shit on by that cunt, and it hurts, and it makes me angry, but right there, you need to cleanse yourself of that stain, let it flow away from you, chances are, you yourself pulled some shit at other times in your life and walked away scot free, when by rights you should have paid.
Don’t let me give you the impression this makes me all meek and mild and ghandi, and you can use my ass to relieve yourself any time you take the fancy, the philosophical approach cuts both ways, it’s a fucking shame you have to die at my hands, right now.. shrugs.. another thing for me to cleanse myself of as time passes…
Some people say I am a wonderful and warm and compassionate and humble man, some people say I am an evil mother-fucker, none of them are watchers, the watchers know that you cannot have the capacity to be *very* anything, without being able to be both very good, and very bad, depending on circumstances.
One man, who is no longer with us, who knew me long before I knew myself, said “He’ll give his last breath to protect those who are dear to him, -laughs- it’ll just be after he makes sure everyone else concerned has given up their last breath in the same cause too” … you watch yourself boy, because you have the capacity to be “very”, so tread carefully, or you’ll find yourself on the very bad path.
Now and again, for my sins, in my life I have come across those who took the very bad path, it’s one thing to chill and watch Michael Douglas “Falling Down” but it is quite another in real life to meet someone who has said to someone else “I am going to kill you, but only after I kill all these people in front of you, who you love, so you know when you die, real soon now, that you will be the last of your breed to leave this earth, and the last to get to hell, so they can all prepare a welcoming party for your ass, for eternity…”
It comes out like “I’m sorry Mr Vedev, you and your entire family have received fatal doses of radiation, there is nothing we can do.”
And there’s the thing, but for circumstances, that same person could be the guy who pulled all your asses from the sinking ship, or whatever… the capacity to be *very*
So my friend who is the fuckup, she has had two pretty major “knocks” so far this year, so she will soon start talking about an annus horriblis and thank fuck all that misery and shit is now done and in the past….
.. and the watcher…
… he sees the train of incoming shells, queued up over the coming months and years, eager to grind you and those around you into the smeared and caked shit at the very bottom of the gutter, and they all have a radar lock on the stains that you have not made any attempt to cleanse yourself of, and they will take the flesh from you, one screaming pound at a time, until your life is no more, and then they will step up the targeting priority on those who were around you, who you taught by your actions that living with stains on your soul was no big deal.
And he shrugs, not my fucking problem, you had your chance, but you preferred living the illusion that the piper would never come calling for his fee… so he can watch the doctor say “y’all got polonium coming out of your asses, your shit’s all fucked up bro, and y’all are gonna die” and be unmoved.
Many years ago, the man no longer with us, he had a girl, and he was engaged to her, so one day some of the boys (allegedly) from SWAPO came calling, trashed her house, took her shit, beat her up some, and took turns raping her.
This was real rape BTW, the sort that statistically speaking almost never happens, wartime or peacetime, the sort that is not a sexual act, there is no desire, just violence and brutality, and the woman involved really does have no choices or options to minimise it or avert it or avoid it.
Of course she lived through it, she had to, that was the point, it was a “political” act, a message, a taunt.
The man who is no longer with us turned his back on her, would no longer speak to her or of her, she was dead to him.
At the time, I, and just about 99% of everyone else, thought he was the most peculiar and strange excuse for a man we had ever seen, how could a man turn his back on the love of his life like that, when she needed him most.
With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and a lot more years on duty as a watcher, I dunno, I know he was a *very* too, maybe he could see that no matter what he did it would still all end in tears, and absented himself from that train wreck, or maybe he just came to a fork in the *very* road and picked one that looked like it had better long term karma and prospects for him personally, or maybe something else, either way, the “thing” event that triggered it all, it was none of his doing, and having known that man I now strongly suspect he also tried to warn the victim in question about cleansing herself from stain and avoiding incoming shells, but she wouldn’t listen…
If you can work out what he was thinking and feeling, you’re a better man than me gunga din… and I knew him, you didn’t.
And so the wheel turns and Angelina Jolie and Senator Kerry and a whole retinue of politicians is attending a glamorous conference to end rape (of wimminz only) during war.
Those nice SWAPO boys could hack your kids limbs off and kill your wife and burn your home and run off your cattle and burn your crops and poison your well, but what we have to concern ourselves with here is none of the above, just about the only problem here is that after they did all that they raped the maid…
The fiat economies are going to shit, Ukraine is going to shit, Persia is going to shit, everything is going to shit, but these people, they can think of NOTHING more important to campaign for and to occupy their time and media focus, than the plight of a handful of wimminz who get raped during wartime.
Fuck you all, very much indeed, I purge my soul of the stain of thinking of any of you as fellow human beings, for I have no wish to be anywhere near any of you when the piper comes calling.