It’s a bit like the sketch where they are only just getting to know you, so don’t want to be too open about everything, and then some time later they have got to know you, and possibly could be open about everything, but they aren’t because it would be too late, why didn’t you tell me this shit before we got involved…. bitch…
Why can’t you walk around your own house naked, well, you have small children, so that would be wrong?
Why would it be wrong, small children are innocent, they won’t see anything sexual about it, or, if they do, then maybe the mantra about pre-pubescent children being asexual isn’t true, all very awkward questions, so best avoided by shaming….. hell… it worked on no less a man than Socrates…
I got news for you, if you live in the west and your kid is ten years old or over, and ten is pre-pubescent for 99% of kids, then they not merely have access to, but have actually seen pornography, probably quite a lot of it.
So maybe not just walking around the house naked in front of the kids, maybe you can fuck in front of them too, well, fact is them watching you fuck is probably a whole lot more wholesome than the porn they are watching, I mean, even if you are a swinger, you’re unlikely to hold a gangbang and bukkake party in front of little Johnny and little Suzy, but that is the shit they have seen.
Today’s job is in a school, a primary school, kids aged 5 to 11, so while I am waiting for some doofus in a remote HQ site to get off his ass and add these new machines to the DHCP pool, I decide to have a smoke, and think of the children, that means going outside and off the site.
So I am stood on the road / pavement side of the school wall / chain link fence, having a chilled smoke, and there is a group of kids the other side, all about 9 I’d guess, and one of them has her mobile phone out, and is showing something to the rest of the group, and they are all laughing.
Maybe I’m just an old fart, but the cynical side of me was thinking yeah, there you go, the must have device for the little shits, because they neeeeed one mummy, little bastards are probably watching vines or whatever the latest shit is.
When this little boy pipes up… “wow… she is peeing…”
The girl holding the phone looks at him like he is a complete luser, sighs, and says “No Simon, it’s not called peeing when they fuck, it’s called gushing…”
and they continue watching..
Next thing I know I’ve burnt my bloody finger on the cigarette, drop it, suck my finger, and wander away in search of something, I dunno what… I find myself at the corner shop 100 yards away, buy myself a packet of cigars, go outside and light one up.
Just as well I wasn’t in a car with the little bastards, they are trying to bring in a law making it illegal to smoke in a car with kids present, for the chiiiiillldruun yew see, we must pwotect them.
I just was left with this weird feeling, ok, I know I’m not a paedo because I’m not sexually attracted to them, but, given that I was into penny dreadfuls at that age, achtung spitfire shit, I’m wondering, is it paedophilia still if everyone is banging ten year olds, and if they do start, will I be the last one to get the memo that it is now acceptable, spongebob is the new black, donchaknow.
I wonder if their parents know when they pick up little Johnny, oh, and can Jane come to tea, her mummy said it is OK, that they are picking up a guaranteed guilty charge should anyone decide to stop the vehicle and look at the kids phones.
Cos the jury is really gonna buy that line about knowing nothing about it, so little 9 year old Sarah must have downloaded Gaping Greta all by herself.