I have to admit to being a closet fan of these, twistednederland etc
I find them educational, reinforcement of what I was always taught as a biker, you go where you look, so if you look at an out of control oncoming car, you hit it, instead of aiming for the gap behind the oncoming car, they aim at the nose of it, as does the other driver.
It just struck me, these “accidents” they come in two categories;
- the lone asshole driving like a cunt who manages to take out several vehicles in an epic shunt.
- two separate assholes in two separate vehicles pushing their luck, alone, either one of them might have gotten away with it, together on the same bit of road, shunt.
There are parallels here to the wimminz….
One of the parallels, and I have thought long and hard to make sure it is not just some sort of observational bias or misjudgement, is driving standards are dropping, in parallel with the economy tanking, as times get hard and people have to be more aggressive about money, they get more aggressive on the road.
Lots of cunts out there are lucky I am not either a/ driving an almost indestructible GTA-V style car, b/ not really keen on being on the po-lice most wanted list, and c/ not carrying a loaded hi-power in the glove box.
I’m seeing a large increase in cunts flicking an indicator on, then immediately proceeding with that maneouver, as though that alone gave them instant right of way, and the other people who have to brake hard to avoid them, well, fuckem…
I’m also seeing a large increase in cunts who think they own the whole fucking road, in the case of motorways that means all three lanes of it, so one minute they are in lane 3 doing 70 mph overtaking some cunt in a silver car doing 60 mph in lane 2 who is overtaking a string of trucks doing a governed 56-59 mph in lane 1, once the cunt in lane 3 has taken 5 minutes to overtake the traffic in lane two, they nip back in to lane 2, and PUT THEIR FUCKING FOOT DOWN, now they are doing 85, and I have to do 90/95 to overtake them, I want to overtake them, because they are driving like an inconsistent cunt and I would rather they were behind me, but, 80 is the limit, 85 is as far as you can push your luck, if you drive sensibly and smoothly and with good spacing and watch all the road around you, 90/95 you get pulled, every time, and there is a big increase in po-lice unmarked cars, and 100 and above is automatic 12 month ban minimum, so automatic unemployment line.
I know it is economically related because in the run up to Christmas, all that spending on presents and consumerism, the driving around here has been fucking APPALLING, people entering junctions they can plainly see that they cannot exit, and then just sitting their blocking traffic the other way when the lights change, people parking just where they choose….
There is a corresponding total lack of awareness of other road users, THEIR vehicles, and the probable performance envelope of THEIR vehicles… frankly when you drive like a cunt in lane 3 until 400 yards before the exit you want and dive across 2 lanes of traffic to lane 1 and force every one else to brake, well #1 I could see you coming, cunt, and I could see you were driving like a cunt, cunt, plus I’m one up in the high end model of a popular German car that is regularly factory serviced irrespective of expense, and is less than 2 years old anyway… no.. no problems braking hard here……. it is the poor bastards in the F10 curtainsider with a load of palletised shit, the poor bastard in the Scania with the bulk tipper on back, and the poor bastard in the Merc hauling a double high Asda trailer behind me, all of whom I eased in front of about a mile back, never once having had to touch my brakes, or make them touch theirs, that I feel sorry for.
That and whoever it is in lane 2 that I would have to sideswipe in order to get out of being a Scania sandwich, and then we will all be treated to some shit from you about how it is the responsibility of the driver behind and anyway you’re running late and your wife is due a baby and yadda yadda yadda.
And by the way this is not just me, I regularly touch base with wagon drivers and motorcycle dispatch riders at roadside caff’s, they are all saying the same thing.
And the parallels to the wimminz?
Well, it is all an attitude of fuck you, I’M ok mate, fuck you if you had to brake, fuck you if you had to swerve, fuck you if you had to make someone else brake, etc etc, because it is all just a videogame anyway, until it isn’t, and then it is all someone else’s fault… 10 seconds ago you thought I was a cunt and you were more than happy to make rude gestures at me and shout and laugh and call me a cunt, now you don’t want to talk to me or anyone else except via your insurance company or lawyer, because suddenly it didn’t go all according to plan, and you don’t plan on accepting any of the consequences, consequences are for other assholes, right…
Until real world physics intervenes.
Speaking personally I can’t wait for driverless google cars and Johnnycab, I’m prepared to give up ever driving a car again, in exchange for no other fucker being allowed to, assuming I can still travel wherever and whenever I want.
Because I am aware, as are the other professional drivers that I talk to at caff’s, that despite my awareness of things, when you put me on a road where everyone else is driving more aggressively, I start to drive more aggressively, and as someone who has at one time ridden or driven everything, and who does a lot of driving, I can drive so aggressively that I can easily turn the tables on you, and it goes within a couple of miles from you thinking you are the fastest thing on the road who owns the fucking road and me thinking you are a mental cunt, to me leaving you 400 yard behind and you and every other fucker thinking I am the mental cunt, and frankly I am, I thoroughly deserve to be banned for life when I get that head on.
So then I pull over for a coffee and a smoke and chill, and drive the fucking speed limit, no matter what.
That by the way has always been my advice to novice bikers.
- Drive the speed limit
- Drive as fast as you can see, subject to #1
- Leave plenty of space, to decrease the gap between #1 and #2
- Never overtake if there are any junctions or turn offs of ANY kind between where you are and where you will be when the overtaking maneouver is complete
- Never overtake unless you can see every bit of road between where you are and where you will be when the overtaking maneouver is complete
- Always at all times make sure other drivers are aware that you are there.
- You go where you look…. so look where you want to go, not where you do not want to go. GLANCE at where you do not want to go.
So, there are again obvious parallels, wimminz driving the roads of relationshits in their indestructible GTA cars, well, it’s made me drive those roads like a cunt too, too bad bitches, you wonder why you can’t get a stable relationshit when you are a single mom or in your 40’s, it’s because all the once good drivers are emulating Mad Max, same as me, you taught us this.
Which after a roundabout way brings us to where we came in, because I had some of this shit on when a wimminz knocked on my door, now, this is an ex casual fuck of mine that is now in a relationshit, but she still loves me and wants me as a friend end, yeah yeah, she wants my cock, and I’m not giving her any option except beg for it, I am not going to help her act out some scenario where she can claim it just haaaapened, she didn’t plan it or anything, so we chat for a bit and the subject comes up of STD’s, sexually transmitted diseases… she knows I only fuck bareback.
I believe, like the cunts on the road who thought they were hot shit and the fastest thing there, that I shocked her… lrfh.
“What about them?” I said.
Well, she says, doesn’t it worry you… Nope, I said, why should it… well, she says, you may catch something… and? is my response…
Hamster wheel spins but gains no traction
I told her straight, I’m in my fifties, not my teens or twenties, and I have male sexual organs, not female, and I am as far as I know done with having kids, not in any event ever able to get pregnant myself.
Now, you tell me skanky, why should I actually give a fuck if I catch an STD, assuming of course I am actually even aware I have caught something, please list the STD’s that a man in his 50’s can catch that are going to affect him seriously in any way.
Just as I can pull up good maps and show you a 75 mile long stretch of A road, and tell you EXACTLY where every single one of the good passing places are, so in real life if I am approaching one of these places and want to pass you the plans start being laid 1 mile beforehand, so when we get TO the passing place and you realise it is one, I already dropped a gear or two 400 yards back in the gap I allowed to build to give me space and vision, and planted the pedal to the metal, it’s the same with fucking and STD’s, I’m not saying all the risks are avoided or that I am the best driver on the planet, but you can do things in such a way that they are a lot easier to do, or in such a way they are a lot harder to do, and catching a dose is the same, and the downside is the same too… that accelerating and vision and overtaking space is also a fuck it brake and abort space, if the gap ain’t there to be exploited you can’t take it.
If the gap is oncoming traffic you NEED at least a couple of seconds to judge their speed, if they are doing 50 you can make it, if they are doing 80 you won’t…
And ultimately it is giving yourself that wriggle room and observation and thinking room and braking and acceleration space that allows me to pass the cunt who thought he was hot shit, not because I am a better driver of have a faster car, neither are true… I just plan ahead enough to give my self room to exploit a potential opportunity.
Which also makes me a very hard person to overtake.
You absolutely do have to be a better driver with a faster car to do it, and if I see you back there, I’ll let you go past.
The wimminz still isn’t getting it, so I explain it, in simple terms.
First off, getting an STD is very unlikely to affect me much, I’m in my fifties, I’m man (huuge one right there) I have no plans to have kids, I’m generally very healthy anyway, in risk assessment terms if there are things in my life to watch out for it is shit like smoking and driving.
She however is female, so more likely to get an STD if she fuck a guy with an STD , because the transmission path is easier male to female than female to male, may suck, but that’s life.
Also being female / womb / pregnancy etc, loads more consequences she should be aware of there.
Also she is low 30’s, she got 20 more years of potential consequences or infection ramp up time than me.
So it’s a bit like the cunts who annoy me who I overtake, it’s not what I do, it’s how I do it… if I was in their shoes, I would not be doing things THE WAY THEY ARE DOING IT.
She is still having difficulty with this, so I make it very very clear to her, if STD’s are a concern, do not fuck around, 1 new cock every five years is pushing your luck, and not just any cock, it better be a cock that also does not fuck around, and especially does not fuck around on you.
She didn’t like this answer, apparently, like the relative immunity of man like me to the effects of an STD, is “unfair”
Over a year ago there was this wimminz, also in her 30’s, also a single mom, and she had a chance with me, we were together for a while, not living together but fucking, and knowing the small village she came from and a bunch of other factors, I tended to actually give some weight to her claim that I was the 3rd cock she had ever had, it’s not like I had anything riding on whether this number was true or not, but she did.
So it worked for a few months and then it fell apart, she did one of those things wimminz do, tried to play hot and cold with me, don’t ask me why, us guys never know, or care…
So I bumped into her a couple of weeks back quite by accident, and we grab a coffee and chat, and she shows me her whatsapp status, no, I hadn’t seen it or stalked her or anything, but it is about the one who got away… me…
well, number one I did not “get” away, you stopped treating me like something special, so fuck it.
and, number two, je ne regret rien but she regretted this, and maybe we could hang out and shit.
So tell me girl, how many men you been with in the past year and a bit since I seen you last… and her eyes go down to the coffee cup, and I didn’t give her a chance to answer, and said well, there you go, whatever you had to offer me back when I was number 3 is gone innit.
I’ll fuck you, but that’s it. And if I fuck you, I am gonna fuck you hard and dirty and at my convenience not yours. Haven’t heard from her since.
Heads in the fucking sand.
One of the wisest men I ever knew taught me hydraulics, he knew his shit because he was one of the small team who was at Vospers and developed the stabilisers for battleship guns in WW2, and when I asked him for the best bit of advice he could give me it had fuck all to do with hydraulics.
He said “You can say anything you like to your Boss, as long as you are not right, that is the one sin they will never forgive.”
Well, old Peter was right about that, but he was only half right, it’s not just bosses who won’t ever forgive it, wimminz won’t either, and sat here off the top of my head I cannot think of a single instance of a potential relationshit or ongoing relationshit with a wimminz, from the casual to the live together forever serious, that did not end stone cold when I opened my mouth and said to the wimminz in question something that was right…. and of course not what she wanted to hear.
To many people, it is my one huge failing when it comes to relationshits, and employment, sooner or later I go fuck it and open my mouth…. and I’m right.
Game over man…
I could sit here and list all the shit that is wrong with me, or wrong with my life, where “wrong” is actually just “what if”, what if back when given X choice I went down path A instead of path B.
Maybe I should not be sat here in my fifties in my rented accommodations with en suite workshop, living alone, with a whole list of aspirational things and comforts that I don’t have.
On the other hand, I am debt free, I do make enough at a piss easy job that I enjoy to pay all my bills, even if I don’t live a life of a spendfree I liked it so I bought it playboy, the gaff is ever so humble and plain and outdated, but it’s mine, and I’m actually quite happy to stay here, provided no fucker puts the rent up.
And I say all this and tell these stories for a reason, and the reason is not because I have all the fucking answers, I don’t, one of the popular sayings back when I was in prison was “If you are so fucking smart, what are you doing in here?”
And this probably sums me up better than anything else, if I look back at the life I have lived, I was time and again a fool who rushed in where angels would fear to treat, and every single time I survived the experience, and everyone says I am a lucky lucky bastard, and I am, for example surviving the psycho skank ho’s FRA, I was lucky, but, I have to be honest, I have always made a lot of that luck.
Whether it is driving like a cunt, but only after I have built myself some wriggle room to allow for the other asshole and the unforeseen, or fucking psycho skank ho’s, or you get the picture.
It’s always been a double edged sword, yes, it gets me out of shit relatively unscathed, but it also gets me into shit other guys would run a mile from.
And finally the point of this bed time story.
The wimminz who popped in for a coffee while I happened to be watching Russian dash cam carnage, and who asked about STD’s.
The wimminz who was head in the sand unwilling to hear what I had to say, which was IF you are genuinely worried about STD’s, then you don’t just need to change your fucking life, but who you associate with.
The wimminz who was so far head in the sand that I could not even raise the meta-message, about the wimminz from 18 months ago, who potentially had something I might have wanted when I was cock #3, but not after I was BOTH cock #? AND put on the back burner for some un-fucking known reason.
And the meta-meta-message, Jesus fucking loves me, OK, he doesn’t, but you really do make your own luck, both good and bad, and your future is limited by your past, and nobody really wakes up to that shit in the first half century, so hope to god you had enough fun along the way that that pill isn’t too tough to swallow, and hope to god in having that fun it didn’t limit your future too much.
The meta-meta-message, play fair, be honourable, never lie (sure, keep it zipped by all means, nobody is forcing you to give your opinion) and always remember that actions have consequences, 20/20 hindsight is a bitch, YOU ARE HERE, that is nobody else’s fault, and its the only place you can start from today.
Within those limits, and make no mistake, they are limits, and pretty restrictive ones, 2014 can be what you make it…. not because of what shit happens, but because of how you choose to react to it.
Think of it as knowing a mile ahead on every road where the overtaking places are, and the accident black-spots, and being able to position yourself on the road with the right gap in the right gear and the right vision, not because you know what is coming, but because you don’t…..